birthday musings

Yesterday was my birthday and had a little time to reflect.

So many things are great about my life but I realize I don't often take the time to smell the flowers.

A blessing and a curse I have is this constant sense of urgency. It's a little nagging voice in my head that's always saying "ok, now what's next?"

There's not much leisure.

I first noticed this when I was in college. I would be at a party and be chatting with friends and always thinking, "ok, what are we going to do next?" Some of my friends could sit on a couch talking for hours talking to the same people. That was not usually me.

(If you are interested in time anxiety, a fascinating quick read from David Perell)

But when I think about my most cherished memories, a lot of them involve relaxation. A sense of liberation from time.

Sitting on the deck of my grandparents northern Minnesota lake cabin and watercolor painting or fishing.

Trips through Europe with my brother and my wife.

Group trips with friends that were basically nothing but talking and joking for an entire weekend. Trips to the beach..that involved sitting, talking, reading.

I just went on a canoe trip with a few good friends. This kind of thing is super common where I live. I used to do it all the time back in the day. You pack sandwiches, beer and sunscreen into your car, rent a canoe at 9 or 10am and set sail for a 5-6 hour float.

It's healing.

You don't bring your phone because you don't want to drop it in the river. Lush green trees, river rock, and humidity surrounds you. That's it.

All there is is the conversations with your friends, staring at the canoe with introspection, and the sounds of nature.

And a slightly soggy turkey sandwich in a ziplock has never tasted so good.

Rick Rubin has a quote in his book:

Sometimes disengaging is the best way to engage.

All those memories are a wonderful reward. I continually draw inspiration from them. I can vividly recall the immense beauty of being immersed in a cabin in the woods. Or walking down a cobblestone street in Lisbon.

The memories are tangible. They are with me always.

But the urgency is a blessing too. It got me out of a loop of partying too much in my early twenties and into the arms of my wonderful wife.

Everything I've "achieved" or more like "stumbled into" has been from that gift of urgency.

BUT, the inspiration comes from leisure.

You don't get inspired from endlessly scrolling your phone. You get FOMO. You get jealous. You get anxious. But you don't get inspired, or at least I don't.

For me, inspiration comes from walks, reading, travel, introspection while working out, gardening, and leisurely curation.

A walk is always good for a great idea or two. It never fails.

When you slow down, something happens in your mind that allows you to observe more fully and print a memory. You can file this away and revisit it again and again as needed.

I can go back into those memories and that feeling of seeing something striking for the first time. It's one of the greatest creative resources.

balance

It seems then, that the key to a good creative life is striking the right balance. Leisurely gathering inspiration and then urgently attacking a project.

I worked so hard to carve out a few beautiful pristine areas in my home. That renovation lasted 16 months. So from time to time, I should very intentionally put my feet up and enjoy these beautiful spaces.

So here's to another year around the sun. With a little more leisure, and a little more dedicated focus.

I am immensely grateful to all of you who read and support me.